Deliberate self harm - advice for parents and carers

There are sometimes signs that a young person is self harming, but often this behaviour is concealed from others and not disclosed, so can be difficult to recognise. The signs below could indicate self-harm, but are also signs of general distress for a young person.

• Withdrawal from everyday life.
• Signs of depression such as low mood, lacking in motivation
• Changes in mood, such as increased anxiety
• Expression of suicidal thoughts, or talk about self-harm
• Expression of feelings of hopelessness
• Changes in eating/sleeping habits.
• Risk taking behaviour (substance misuse, unprotected sexual acts, promiscuity), deliberately neglecting or not managing health condition (e.g. skipping insulin injections, taking too much medication).
• Unexplained cuts, bruises or marks.
• Covering up all the time, even in warm weather.
• Lacking energy.

If you suspect someone you know is self-harming, there are some things that you can do to help:

• Take time to have a conversation with the young person, where they feel safe and able to open up to you.
• Encourage them to talk to you, or if not, someone else they trust.
• Approach the topic sensitively and non-judgmentally. Young people will often feel shame about their self harming behaviour, may have complex reasons for self harming, may lack other means of coping, and may feel afraid of what might happen if others find out
• Don’t force them to tell you the details of self harming behaviour, instead ask generally how they are feeling, what they have been thinking, and how they are coping.
• Reassure them that there are things that can be done to support them, such as seeking advice from your GP, or dial 111 for more immediate advice.
• Be aware of the limits of your involvement. If a child or young person is expressing suicidal thoughts, or is in imminent danger of harm, be clear that you will need to seek help to make sure they are safe.